I have managed to get my self sick on the first week of class, yay me. Laying in bed and abusing my cough syrup has really got me thinking about the beginning of the school year last year.
College has been a really big adjustment for me, which is weird because I live at home, so you’d think I wouldn’t be making any major transitions but unfortunately that’s not the case.
Before I get in to college life let me tell you a little about my high school experience. I went to a high school and had the time of my life, I loved my school, my class mates, made incredible friends. I fit in, I fell in love with the people around me.
We graduated with hearts overwhelmed with love & excitement for our futures, I experienced the very best summer of my life with my very best friends and I wish it could last forever. Young, excited, not knowing, but dreaming so big. Then summer came to an end and people started packing up to go their separate ways.
I watched my friends, the people I’d grown up with, spent every day with, pack up and leave our little town. All of the sudden home wasn’t home any more. Home was Tuscaloosa, home was Starkville, home was where my friends where and I was here. Driving down streets that mise well had been empty.
Classes came around and everyone who said “you’ll meet new people” was right, I met new people who never spoke a word to me or even acknowledged my existence. I didn’t live on campus. I didn’t join a sorority. No one knew me or cared who I was. I was alone completely every moment I spent there for the whole first semester.
I went from going to school where I couldn’t walk down the hall without seeing a friendly face to being the girl left out when everyone had to choose partners. BIG transition for me. My best friend stayed home going to a community collage a few towns over, I had friends still at the high school, but it wasn’t good enough. I needed them here with me. I missed my friends with all of my heart. I cried every single night dreading the next day. Just wanting to get the week over with so I could get my self to Ttown to welcoming faces who loved me, I meant something to them, I was loved and I was home. Those weekends were some of the very best of my life, don’t get me wrong. I lived for those weekends & wouldn’t trade them for anything. Leaving was just so hard knowing I was going home to a week of solitude.
The anxiety and depression did nothing but worsen as the year went on, I didn’t want to be there and my grades reflected that. I was paying so much money to be some where that made me so unhappy and it just didn’t seem fair that I wasn’t getting this “College Experience” everyone speaks of.
Everyone tells you living at home saves you so much money which it does but I still to this day do not believe for one second that it’s what’s best for me.
As my second year at UM rolls around I feel nothing short of exactly how I felt last year. Every inch of me hopes for a better year.
My best friends will never understand how those weekends spent with them pulled me through, their never ending love and affection did nothing but remind me that I’m loved.
College is only 4 years but my friends, they are my forever. They were here before,and knowing they will be here from now on along with God’s grace are about the only things that give me any peace as I face another school year.